hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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