so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
