the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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