Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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