hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
