The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
