according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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