We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
