Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
