My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
