i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
