He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
