THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
