I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
