ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
