then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
