and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
This beer is not sobering me up at all
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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