he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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