So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
