i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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