Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
