I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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