doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
