Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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