Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
