The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
