Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
