I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
