I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
