oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
