i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
