Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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