girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
