hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
