just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
