I hate all girls vehemently.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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