last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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