Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
