did you get engaged???
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
