Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
