And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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