I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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