I CAN MOONWALK!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
