theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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