I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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