Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize