I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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