Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She even gives head with a lisp.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
