you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
