Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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