Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
