If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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