im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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