quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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