and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
