Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
