If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
