:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
