Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
