Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
