I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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