i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
