My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
