butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
