I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
