nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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