I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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