dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You ruined the universe
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
