She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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