yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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