u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
There was a lot of him and a little penis
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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