He disabled his match.com account in front of me
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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