it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
