I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
