i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
