I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
