More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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