my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left the knife in your bed.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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