I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
