so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
