when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
