So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
two words: eviction party
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
