i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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