Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
