I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
