an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
