I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
