I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
