i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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