so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
